Happy New Year To All!

It's been a crazy week indeed and the fun continues with us visiting in-laws again for the New Year`s eve. Apparently this is also my mother-in law`s birthday. I'm so grateful for family and connections that last a lifetime. If you have a happy family, you have happiness in a great measure. I also like the whole week off from work. Only the days were too short, and it will be far too long until I can enjoy that long vacation again. Sigh.

How was yourp 2012? Mine was full of ups and downs, as always in this life, but it has been a joyful year for me. I'm looking forward to 2013, and I have plans and hopes ... but I've really learned that there is no way to predict how it may turn out. There is such a fine balance between planning/preparation and waiting on the Lord to see how things will unfold.

I came across this poem that`s funny and true. And it is also my wish for all of you

May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs, and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.

May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastroenterologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist, your plumber, and the BIR.

May you find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere during rush hour in less than an hour, and when you get there may you find a parking space.

May December 31 find you seated around the dinner table, together with your beloved family and cherished friends, ushering in the New Year ahead.

You will find the food better, the environment quieter, the cost much cheaper, and the pleasure much more fulfilling than anything else you might ordinarily do that night.

May you have the strength to go through a year of electoral campaigning, and may some of the promises made be kept. May you believe at least half of what the candidates propose, and may those elected fulfill at least half of what they promise, and the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets happen.

May what you see in the mirror delight you, and what others see in you delight them.

May the telemarketers wait to make their sales calls until you finish dinner, may your checkbook and your budget balance, and may they include generous amounts for your church and charities.

May you remember to say “I love you” at least once a day to your spouse, your child, and your parent(s).

You can also say it to your secretary, your nurse, your butcher, your photographer, your masseuse, your seamstress, your hairdresser or your tennis instructor, but not with a “twinkle” in your eye.

May we live as God intended, in a world at peace with the awareness of the beauty in every sunset, every flower’s unfolding petals, every baby’s smile and every wonderful, astonishing, miraculous beat of our heart.

May God bless you with happiness, great health, peace, and much love during the next year and all those that follow.

Now do you see what I mean? Who can ever beat this kind of New Year Greeting? Also, I want to thank Jon of JonDMur for taking the sweet time to make this!

Thanks, Sir Jon!

Holiday Bug

Happy Friday and Happy Holidays again to you all, my dear friends. Here's to a wonderfully relaxing weekend of peace and joy spent with family and friends. I'm sending you giant hug through the computer. Can you feel it? I'll be eating lots of sweets this weekend and watching Twilight movies (I haven't seen yet Breaking Dawn Part 2...).

And in case you did not get the gifts you wished, or your plans failed, or found that the long vacation is really more tiring than relaxing, remember to:



Remember that what comes around, goes around. Okay?

I ♥ You One and All!

Well friends, here we are- one day past Christmas 2012. Really, where does the time go? It seems like it was only last year. Does time go fast wherever you are?

We are now back home. We were at my in-laws Christmas eve and my son remarked that he had few gifts only. Actually its shaping up to be a rather bittersweet Christmas for us this year. We`re still getting over our debts. I worked out this plan of paying all our arrears and never to use, charged any purchases to credit cards. You know those pesky cards? And using our present money means no frequent shopping, no movies, no travel. Don't get me wrong. I've not completely gone grinch  -- let's just say I've mastered the art of thrifting, and my catchphrase has become, "it’s the thought that counts” when buying gifts.

And I won. I have never charged anything to credit. I paid cash up to the last centavo. And it was good.  I did not make any major purchases but I`m quite sure things can wait.

So to all my friends, almost friends, and far from being friend.

To my silent readers, the excellent followers and people who appreciated my humor, sentiments, and fears that are all over Thinking Outloud. I am so grateful that you've welcomed my little blog into your life with such open arms. I wouldn't want anyone else sharing this amazing adventure with me, so THANK YOU!!!!

To my friend Margj, who did not only lend me her loyalty but also her generosity all the way down to my family.

Here’s to the merriest season and the coming of a new brilliant year and the eating of too much sweets, slash chocolate slash fruit cake

I hope you have a wonderful holiday, wherever you are.

P.S. Dear Zumba, lets meet again when Ì`m ready, okay?

It's Almost Christmas, People!

                         I thought I want to share this with you, my friends.
                
                      Have a Blessed Christmas and by the way…..the world will not end today. 
                      It is just the beginning of another beautiful life ahead.

Getting Through Christmas

{The breaking news started midmorning. Elementary school. 20 kids shot. Five was the youngest. Teachers killed. I broke down. All those children. So, in honor of the kids who passed away, ten days short of Christmas, I give this poem. I imagine them all excited for the holidays, telling what they want to have under the tree. }
Dear Santa

Dear Santa, here's my Christmas list. I hope you'll bring it all. I've only asked for gifts my parents can't find at the mall.

I'd like to have a UFO, with aliens inside, and maybe a Tyrannosaurus Rex that I could ride.

A ninety-nine foot robot is a present I could use. I'll also need a time machine, and rocket-powered shoes.

Please bring a gentle genie who will grant my every wish, and don't forget a wizard's wand, and, yes, a talking fish.

Of course, I'll need a unicorn, and won't you please provide a dragon, and a castle in the English countryside.

Of course, the weight of all these things might cause your sleigh to crash. If that's the case, dear Santa, just make my growing up years, cheery and bright!

Ana Marquez-Greene, 6

Jesse Lewis, 6.

Emilie Parker, 6

James Mattioli, Jessixa Rekos, both 6

Noah Posner, 5.

Olivia Engel, 5

Dylan Hockley, 5

Daniel Barden, 5

"The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him."--Paolo Casals

If You Don’t Know Then You’ll Never Understand

While many of you cram to look for soft and hairy, or excited to dance Gangnam Style at your office Christmas parties, you are lucky, people!

We don’t have Christmas party.

So contrary to the year after last year where we are asked to dress up like in the 70’s like you see in the picture below.

I miss this psychedelic, spotted, Gina silk costume already. You see, I don’t mind wearing shower curtain some days.

The pleasant feeling stays and the memories linger even after so many years. I now enjoy parties, which I don’t when I was a kid. I was embarrassed at the time but luckily I outgrew being self-conscious of my klutziness and find it hilarious now.

Parties bring people together, in one room, eating and drinking, and sharing stories that never end. My officemates still laugh when they remember my legs wrapped in fishnet stocking looking like a Chinese Ham. But despite of all the shame of looking like K-Pop star gone mad, I enjoyed every minute of it.

Not that I take pleasure in being laughed at. I am just so “game” for anything fun. Clean fun, though. I have realized that sometimes you got to seize the moment and have a good time. That instead of clamming up in one corner, why not mix with people, enjoy their company and tick each other’s funny bones.

But then I realized, its not only parties, not even food and drinks that bring people together. It’s really more the friendship and closeness that build up throughout all of the years of working together.

So with or without office parties?

It's the time to make your own party.

With some of your nicest officemates, few burgers and fries, and a Magic Sing? BOOM!

=====

*Okay, may be it’s not that bad. Many government agencies have also called off their Christmas parties this year.

• The Office of the President

• The National Disaster Risk Reduction and Management Council

• Armed Forces of the Philippines

• Philippine National Police

• Department of Education, Culture and Sports

They are donating the funds to assistance for victims of typhoon “Pablo.”

Pound for Pound

What do you get when you cross Mujammad Ali, Slyvester Stallone and Bruce Lee?

Manny Pacquiao.

Funny, his name pronounced like a comic-book sound effect: pack-ee-ow!. But in his 6 pack abs lies the strength of steel, which made him a pound for pound boxer of his time. Slightly less than half the national population of 90 million would be dying to watch his fight with Juan Manuel Marquez tomorrow, their 3rd match in a row.

So have your fill of fun and excitements, of oohs and ahhs. Let your jaw drop to the floor and yell if you must. Who will care?

Quick Stats:

*the first boxer ever to win seven world titles in as many weight divisions

*the first athlete ever to appear on a Philippine postage stamp

*a man who in 2008 portrayed the Philippine warrior Lapu-Lapu, whose forces killed Magellan and repelled his conquistadores, in a reenactment of the 1521 Battle of Mactan

*a man who often survives on three hours' sleep

*a man who halted his cockfight business, closed his nightclubs, and stopped his foray for baccarat, because of a change of heart

So, friends, the million-dollar question: Which team are you?

The Quiet Place Project

I woke up pre-menstrual and I hate this feeling. It makes me feel fat and ugly.

But yay! I came across this website and I will feel doubly bad if I will not share this with you guys. I like it because it will prompt you to be a little bit more introspective, especially when you’re in a little sullen mood like I do. This will help you realize that everything can wait. You don’t need a wee bit of sound if all you’re crying for is some quiet time.

Relax

Don’t worry this is not the thing that scare the crap out of you.

See my answers.

The Dreams Room. It will urge you to what really drives and burdens your heart.

.The Thoughts Room. Pour out your heart , fill the text box to the brim. Don’t worry, it’s a secret.

The Comfort Spot. Let’s talk deeper about what makes you feel the strongest, and the deepest too.

The Quiet Place. Silence is a breeze. After all, it is what you really want. Isn't it?

90 Seconds Relaxation Exercises. It will challenge you to spend a bit fraction of your time doing nothing, but just to relax.

How’s that? May be you can try it too and we can exchange our experiences.

Would You Ever Fall For....Disc Jockeys?

Would you ever fall for someone you have not seen but only heard? Did you ever try putting a face to the voice? Today, DJs play a more visible role in mass media thanks to live video streaming and commercial endorsements. But growing up, I can only imagine how they look in real life. I remember listening to AM radio where early news and dramas are main staple. And if ever you’re my age and are also fond of listening to FM band, you will know this Mellow Touch line…

You are the minstrel, I'm your guitar I'll play your music straight to your heart Each day (blah.. blah..) You are the minstrel, I'm your guitar The mellow sound of W double L...

Just merely singing it come waves of rushing memories. Songs touched me in a natural way. They speak my heart. Sometimes we think nobody can ever relate to us and so we find ourselves in a rut. We trick ourselves into believing that we are -- without a doubt -- the only people on the planet who have ever felt the way we feel or have experienced what we have. But songs are such powerful tool to describe how really does one feel.

And these days where radios are not only about songs but life seen as a whole. And listening no longer one way but interactive, a lot more fun and alive than it was during my time, I can’t help but be smitten by how these Disc Jockeys touch the lives of their distraught callers. They may sound trivial, and funny but if you dig ever so slightly beneath the surface, reality takes place.

Here’s what they said.

Joe D’ Mango, Love Notes, DZMM

True love only comes once in a lifetime, so take it as it comes along and enjoy every bit of it while it is still burning strong

Papa Jack, 90.7 Love Radio

We all wanted to be superman only to venture out in life looking for our very own kryptonite.

Bro Jun Banaag, Dr.Love , DZMM

To let go of someone doesn't mean that you have to stop loving. it only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back.

Chico and Delamar, The Morning Rush, RX 93.1 Smile! You don’t own all the problems in the world. Some of them are mine.

Papa Bear, Barangay LS FM, LS 97.1

Life is definitely a roller coaster, it's only when you begin to appreciate the ups and the downs that the ride becomes more fulfilling.

What do you think, friends?

Since You Asked…

I am not spawning. Not pregnant. It’s my belly, and it is just bloated.

Yesterday, the church was a full house. It was our anniversary and many people came to check us. Some were a bit cold, some tried their best to be gracious and cordial and some others were genuinely happy to cheer with us.

I was one of the two emcees and so my face was wallpaper.

In a mad scramble to coordinate the next song number to the next powerpoint presentation, I was trotting like a troll.

And so bumping with old acquaintances, shaking hands with ex-deacons, ex-youth members, ex co-workers, is always inevitable.

And so I was asked, “Sis, pregnant ka ba?”

By the same old woman, who asked the same question, every single time she see me. And I did what I always do in extremely stressful and emotional situations: smile. Can she just asked “kumusta na?”.

So I said no, and after exchanging few pleasantries I excused myself politely.

And then another guy commented, “tumataba ka ngayon ah.”

He said that, like it was nothing.

Thank you. Your words are really comforting.

I'm being as kind to myself as I possibly can, cutting myself some slack. My children, they are so full of life, and beautiful and my biggest treasure. I’m beyond lucky and have a big spirit of gratitude. Hubs looks better with each passing year. Not too thin, not too fat. ... how is it that men age better?

When the speaker started, I sank at the corner like a distraught toolbag. Did not care who was watching. I was all ears because I was Ruth in his story.

::

I expected to return home annoyed and stressed at all of the hurry ups, hustle and bustles and mania of anniversary event- but I'm not. Remember the story of Ruth in the bible? She is a Moabite, a widow, a foreigner, exactly a person who has no identity. Many know her side of story who is faithful to her in-law. Remember the verse:”Your people, will be my people. Your God, will be my God?”. That’s her.

But her other side tells she is a poor woman, waiting in vain for somebody to do the right thing. That's all. She was sent to Boaz to glean from his field. But Boaz here, blessed her in more ways than one. She was allowed to go with the women, picking up as they harvest. She was provided with water, and told no one to touch her or else.

I saw myself in Ruth. I’m resolved to not buy cheap version of me. My body should have no bearing on how people treat me. And I want to talk to those good people who never had to live this, but genuinely want to care and help, without buying into crap that have been sold for generations about obesity, diet and body image.

God sees us as beautiful people, fat and all. What we taught that things we don’t deserved like respect, kind-heartedness, thoughtfulness, caring words- these are given. And more. He sent Jesus, what else can He not give?

Lets Talk Christmas Niceness

Do you also get sad during the holidays? During the cold, dark nights, some of us get quiet and melancholy and don’t feel like themselves. Many who are separated from the family have nothing in mind but to be at home with their love ones. People’s feelings and sentiments are under that metaphorical microscope so much more these days than any other days in the year. We feel the strongest and get sad the hardest. Sadly the feeling stays until all of the Christmas lights, decorations, ornament are back in the box again. Oh, the emotions. They all so palpable in the air around this time.



So before we get so excited to Christmas parties we are going to attend, and ahead of all the business, chaos and obligations we need to fulfill, let’s take a second to think of the ways we can do to make the season brighter and happier for others. Here’s my suggestions.

Send Real Christmas Cards

Not the electronic or virtual cards hanging around in the internet. That paper card with cute little design on the cover? You know with all the envelop, stamp and stuff? It's a lot more genuine than words and smiley faces on a tiny little screen. You never know. Your little card can go a long way to brightens someone’s day. Too often, we thought that public greetings we post on our Facebook, Twitter, Instagram wall are enough. Life gets so hectic that we feel we have to do things faster, easier and cheaper. But this time, why not add a personal touch. Let your kids scribbled the message, and may be you can insert the family’s most recent photo. This will surely bring a smile. All because they feel you remember.



Give a Smile

Remember the thing I said about smile on my valentine post? The same applies when its Christmas . It could very well brighten someone's day. Too often, we walk with our heads down, glued to our cellphones, rarely ever meeting another person's gaze. Sometimes we feel we have to be forever "plugged in", fearing that we'll miss an important call or text. But what could be more important than that face-to-face exchange? So go ahead, and look up. You never know who you might see. Why not even take this smile one more mile and say hello to someone as you pass them on the street? Filipinos are now getting well, a bit aloof because of the hardness of times. We become staid and dull when it comes to social interactions. Now is the perfect time to defy fear and suspicion and say "hello" to someone. And mean it.

Be selfless

It seems, especially during the holidays, that we're so quick to push and shove and push and shove our way to the head of the line like little kids on the playground. We don't care who we push aside in line as long as we find ourselves at the front of it. And we fight tooth and nail if ever someone make singit. But imagined how surprised and taken aback someone would be if you said, "Oh, here, why don't you go ahead of me in line?" And if it's a mom or dad with a full cart and children who have chosen that moment to exercise their lung power? Well, I'm sure they'll be particularly grateful.

How are that, friends? I'd love to hear your own ideas.

Shopping Guide List For Her

Wondering what to give your wife or girlfriend this holiday? This is why I’ve decided to create my Shopper’s Guide List of what to buy for your female love ones. I am sorry to tell you all that no, this does not guarantee your girlfriends/ wives will love you more. Until my husband still takes me for Atilla the Hun occasionally, you’re all on your own.

Okay so lets down to business. The first thing on my list is inspired by my latest obsession.



The Diet Plate. This is great for ladies who watch their food intakes. The plan is to guide you with accurate portion of carbohydrate and protein foods to facilitate weight loss and maintenance. It can be used just like an ordinary dinner plate. You can eat everything inside the whole plate and not feel guilty. However, the little tagline says you only use one plate. Seriously, if you will have 3 diet plates bursting with steaks, chops and barbeques at the brim this really spoils the idea. Okay?

Foldable Hunter Boots. Good for fashion conscious slash germ-fighting women. This is different from the ones you see in palengke. This is a lot sosy, as they say. Why? Because the late Princess Diana used it before. That's why. This is great in hot pink because pink makes everything cuter. Besides a pair of this will save you from flood-related illnesses. So habagat-friendly.



BDJ Beauty Box. Perfect for young and older ladies alike with incessant need for perfect eye brow. Surprise her with BDJ online subscription and discover why the most dolled up girl in the office is always aware of the latest trend in fashion and know why her lips shape like fish and burning in red. This may astound the husband because her wife can become Ann Curtis over night.



Dismember-me Plush Zombie. For stressed wives who cannot vent their frustrations. The interest in zombies just never dies, does it? Well, if you're tired of being pushed around by the zombies at home, work, gym, school, store, or wherever, take out your frustration on this sucker. Pull him apart. Remove his brain. Give him a taste of his own medicine! Grrr!



ZombieSmarts Desk Calendar. Can be given for stay-at-home Mom or practically any ladies who has someone in the family she wanted to give a heart attack. But more than that, this simple little desk calendar could help you avoid becoming another cerebellum-munching member of the walking dead with its "grisly facts about the history, habits, and hungers of the living dead. Daily you will learn how to combat a zombie invasion". Not to be taken lightly..

So, there you have it, folks: a short and simple list of all of my suggested Christmas gifts for all the ladies.

What do you think?

Affectionate

Have you ever wanted to just tell someone everything you're feeling, but for some reason you know that you can't? May be because it’s weird? awkward? that your admission could potentially mess everything up? Well, how about boxing your thoughts in a sticker like these:



This post is brought to you by Weekword, and our word for today is AFFECTIONATE. For those of you who haven’t played before and like to know the basic rules, here goes: You have to share in any creative outlet you would like-painting, writing, poetry, lyrics, music, photos, collage, mixed media, drawing, verse, dialogue, videos, anything really-your interpretation of that week’s word on your blog.

Also, please visit my blog friend, Genskie of Genskie's Written Voices for the list of bloggers who joined Week word.

See, it's as simple as that. What do you think? Would anyone like to join?

Nine Years Later

Hubs is definitely nicer than I am. Here’s why…

Next Thursday will be our 9th anniversary. Nine Years!!! It feels longer, both in good and bad ways. He still snores like a rocket about to launch, you know. But through it all, so much have happened since my last anniversary post here.

Over these years, I’ve learned a few things about marriage (and of course, am still learning). Be the front and center to your children. Say thank you. You’re allowed to get mad. Kiss each other goodbye.

But Hubs, who is actually a year younger but a lot wiser, does something really great. Coming out of nowhere, he texts, tells other people, says in my face in front of children, that he is lucky to have found me. Cheez. He does that even seconds after a verbal fight.

I usually shrug it off, thinking “hmm..bola!”. But deeper, I know he means it. And he wants me to hear it.
Not exactly, but in similar matter, I read an article about a husband who also does something great. In height of an argument, he says, "I love you!" right in the middle. It's amazing.



Here's what the husband said: "The secret to a long and happy marriage is not the idea that nothing bad is ever going to happen. But it's that when something bad happens, you know how to get through it together. One of the most important things is that when you're having a fight, instead of ratcheting up the emotion, you diffuse it. In the middle of a fight, say, "I love you; you're the most important person in the world to me," even if at that moment, those words are the hardest ones to choke out because you're so mad. It reminds you both of the big picture. It doesn't make it instantly better, but it takes it down a notch. And in the cool-down period afterward, you're not left questioning. You know everything is going to be ok. Half an hour after the fight, it's over and you feel good."

Great idea, right? I cannot tell you what a difference it makes. I'm still too hotheaded to do it myself, but I'm glad Hubs is nicer, better, sweeter person than I am.

What little secrets and tips do you have for relationships? Do you fight fair? I'd love to hear...

{Photo via LeLove}

An Open Letter to Andi Eigenmann

Dear Andi:

I suppose I should get a couple of things out of the way first. One, I will not pretend to be your mother so this sadly is not to patronize you and your decisions. In fact, for the longest time, I couldn’t decide if I liked you, and lately I’m not just into you. And two, how did you get so thin and sexy when you just gave birth last year? My youngest is already 3 but I still look pregnant. Why?

I watched you at Deal or No Deal the last time . You can make the 24K girls run out of job. You were sporting a body hugging, almost spandex-like mini dress. For some of us chronically obese: it’s a tease. Really, where did those flabs go? I could almost curse myself from being lazy at my aerobics class.

Actually, it's not because I'm lazy. I'm actually a pretty hard worker. It's just that this year, dancing wasn't a goal. Finishing house is.

So to you Andi, you may ask why I hate to see your latest men’s magazine cover? Because you aren’t good for me that's why. You cause depression, regrets and sugar cravings. I didn’t want to hear it either, but there you go.

Yes, the sugar cravings are too your fault. But that’s because when I am jealous, I eat more.

Frankly, I am surprised at how showbiz mothers lose weight too easily, while we, normal birthing humans, lose milligrams of fats ever so slowly. We had to actually weigh and measure our rice if we want to lose some in the waistline area. And we had to drag ourselves to the gym and face the fear of being permanently maimed by the gruesome kickboxing(I still love Zumba though). And don't even get me started on how repugnant I find other people's sweat. Ewewewew.

So to all of you who get rid of body fats, thank the heavens for your fast metabolism.

Have a nice life, Andi. I'm confident that this spontaneous letter won't break you, but good luck nonetheless.

Peace out,

Littleyana

Time Equals Beauty

Still on the subject of time, how long do you prepare for work? school? Women often hear men complain about the time we need to doll ourselves up. But don't we all? I mean, if we really think about it, men are as vain as women. For documentation purposes, my morning routine is not at all noteworthy. But if you’re really curious, I whip a comb through my hair, toss on a pair of pants and blouse from my pile — not joking, it’s a mini-mountain — and apply baby powder that usually wipes off before I get to work. I only put lipstick on when I am in the office already.

However, I can appreciate a more elaborate process, and geishas’ rituals are lengthy and steeped in tradition. This beautiful film from the 1930s shows geisha styling their hair, dressing and preparing for public life.

And boys still ask what’s taking us girls so long?

Time Wasting Experiment

Remember we tried “quantifying the world”in my last post?. Well, this is a close cousin. This project of Alison Provax, a sort of audit of how a person spend his time (most times in a wasteful way), was a bit of a reality check. How much of our day is spent waiting for the inevitable, slipping into the depths of our mind? Take in the reasoning and philosophy behind this project.

How do you waste time? What’s your relationship with minutes, days and seconds?

First on My Wish List

As you know, this blog has ushered you, my beautiful friends, into a holiday sense of way. Oh how I love Christmas, no matter how stressful and nerve-racking it can be. It always delights us into something only a child in heart can appreciate and relate with.

And if you are a reader of this blog, you will know that we live in a semi-complete, 2-story structure, with open holes and unpainted walls and a comfort room that‘s all toilet bowl. No vanity, no shower, frosted glass or that stainless towel bar or that glittery mirror over bowl.

Really, how can a person possibly decorate a” dump”?

But then I saw this!

Oh how I love, love, love the idea...beautiful ceramic tiles printed with digital images. For some reason this is exactly what I want to have. Out of wit and imagination, I already visualized it to be filled with images possibly of birds or trees or may be inspiring words to live by, or may even family photos. I wonder how many poems, blogs, plans, castles in the sky will crop up in mind while seated on the porcelain pot. Nasty to think, but accept that sometimes we become our most productive when we are attending to the calls of Mother Nature. Our imaginations fly away, as well as thoughts and introspection about life and we often leave the bathroom already with answers to world peace.

Don't you think so?

How I Feel in Photos

After the spooky, comes the merry! Let me greet you Happy Holidays in advance. I hope you're surrounded by everyone you love. And I hope this holiday is everything you ever wanted it to be.