Friday, August 27, 2010

Highs and Lows

This week was a mixed bag of good and bad. Assortment of things you hate and want to forget, and stuff worthy of keeping and remembering. Monday started without a hunch that it’s going to be the day that Philippines will be on the limelight. For a bad reason, that is. There was a hostage drama that ended in 9 deaths. Victims were mostly Hongkong nationals. The perpetrator? a deranged policeman. I felt sick and horror-struck when I was watching the on-goings on the TV. When the suspect was finally gunned down, and the police were pulling the bodies, I felt empty and just want to cry.

Then Wednesday came. Again, I had no inkling that it was no ordinary day for the country. It was the day people all over the world appreciate our culture and ranked us 4th as most beautiful of the entire universe. It made me feel proud once again. A pay off of what happened 2 days ago? Certainly not. Because lives are priceless but for such a tragic episode, the success of Venus Raj; no matter how shallow it can be, is redeeming to us Filipinos. That we can stand out against any countries. That we are beautiful people and should not be feared about. That like any other nation, we have our own share of good and bad.

Only, they both happened in the same week. Things happen for a reason and we can only guess.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Getting To Know Me

I hate being afraid. I hate being scared. I hate fearing I’m going to lose my family. My son got sick this weekend and had fever that reached 39 degrees. Not that it did not happen to him that before but every time he got sick, I find myself at a tall ledge, about to drop, to a fall that I don’t know if I’m going to survive or die. But he is okay now. Back to where things are used to be. I guess the ledge was not that high.

I hate being snooty. But it does not mean I stay nice and friendly and patient to what ever happens around me. To avoid conflicts, there are things that I keep to myself so as not to create animosity. But then, sometimes people can be so insensitive and pushy that they would not stop until they get what they want. And then the feeling of disgust would not leave me. The thoughts creep in, and just sit there. And I stop feeling nice and friendly. Honestly, it’s times like these that I realized patience is not really my virtue. I don’t complain, but it doesn’t mean I understand. I will not answer back but deep inside I was gnashing my teeth and just waiting for the demons to come out and break loose. I can say that patience is better tested when under fire, when stressors are around, when you happen upon people who never cared at first but turned super sweet when they are for something.

So yes, I am not patient. But I can be, soon.