Friday, January 11, 2013

Things They Didn't Tell Me

Hello readers! Hope you have a good weekend..

Glad it’s over. New Year. Not complaining. Just saying. Sometimes the start of the year makes you over think. A lot more introspective than any other days in the year. All the people want to have a fresh start like new look, new girlfriend, new job, new life. The reasons why we write those tricky little bastards called resolutions, right? You see I have grown a little. I’ve changed. There’s a side of me that whenever this season comes, a change in year, I refused to be drawn in to the fiasco that always, always happens this time around. If nothing is coming, then why bother? Just keep on going. There's always a pause, a moment when you realized that stagnancy of life is not bad at all. And I like that I learnt how to play around things now.

How do we get through the things that we can't get through? How can we make sense of the unfathomable? Can't. Just have to keep going, do what we can. Strip it all back. The most important things in life aren't things. We are wiser than we know.

Dreams, like warts and mole, they grow back. At the precise moment of dreadful failures, the human spirit inside us instantly begins to plot its own survival. And a heart that is broken again and again, is stronger that we thought. It can swallow a big pride without choking, strike old wounds without being hurtful and defensive. Although I still don't understand the magnitude of life, who says we have to?

Saying yes to life makes it open up like an oyster.

My mother appeared at Social Security for the annual confirmation. It is the system’s way to check if the pensioner is still alive. She does this so they will continue her check. My father has pension too. But he died elsewhere, with a different family, years after their marriage broke up. I believe I have four or five younger half-siblings. I also learned that it's the other woman who picks up my father’s annuity.

I felt my mother has few misgivings whether to fight for it or not. Half of me can’t take it. It belongs to mother and she could use the money for her maintenance. And I feel for her. I punched my self-consciousness if it’s right to convince her to claim what’s rightfully hers. It took my whole life to be in a place where I believe I can make a difference. But my other side tells the other family needs it more. My father died a poor man. I strongly believe that we live more comfortably than them.

There’s a deep essence of something I don’t know. I'm just so, so sorry down here. I guess a sister is only as happy as its unhappiest half-sister or brother.

So while I wait for God to tell me what to do, I leave you loads of love, understanding and peace. Supersized, and with refills.


  1. I was caught in surprise with your last few sentences! Perhaps I'm not in any position to comment but I am commending you for being brutally honest on how you feel about the situation you're in.

    God's grace is sufficient to us, and so you will be filled with comfort that you and your mom need today. Happy new year!

  2. This is such a tricky situation to be in. If it bothers you much then i guess there is a need to talk it out just to clear the air. But if it does not bother your mother in the least then good. hahaizt. I read a quote that says Pray for the people that bothers you, it may not change the situation but it will change you. So yeah. God bless ate Malou :)

  3. I like the message sa last photo...

    sa aside ko parang nakakaramdam ako ng panghihina...

    Sana malampasin natin ang lahat ng trials...

  4. I can fully understand what you've been going through... broken family din kami... I did share some of my stories and poems on my blog...
    You have your own family now... care for them and love them...
    Promise ko sa sarili ko na pag nagkaroon na ako ng sariling family ko i wont let them cross the same obstacle that I have crossed :)

  5. @ Dai Ning: I couldn't agree more. It's really through the grace of God that we surpass "major happenings" in ours lives. Without it, there's no way we can live through these things.

    @ Sheena: I always like the way you see things. Your views are always grounded, most of all rooted to God. I have already talked to mother. She yielded on pursuing the case.

    @Jon: Ang hirap tumanda hehe! ang daming pinagdadaanan.

    @ Dio: Thanks for the like!

  6. @ Genskie: I guess we're both looking through the same lense. Ang hirap no? but all these things, if fought fairly and squarely, will make us stronger and wiser. I hope good things befall your family all the time!

  7. I guess, your mom deserves the pension... but,.....if you can live without that amount, and so be it. Baka nga mas kailangan para mabuhay nung kabilang side. Better pray for them. Life isn't really fair. But still, let us be grateful.

  8. @ Ric: I guess I already know what to do. Your comment, alongside with few that are already mentioned here. This is the benefit of blogging. You get to balance your personal views against the views of others. Thanks Ric for the thoughts!