Thursday, January 17, 2013

Mid-Life Crisis: What Of It?

Wikipedia said mid-life starts at 40. Technically I don’t fit in yet. I am only 39 this June. But for a number of reasons, not the least of which is that I just like to torture of reminding myself that I’ll be rocking 40 next year, I’d probably list this anyway because that will not be an easy transition. And what’s the best thing to do but to start putting those survival plans in order. As they say the earlier you talk about it, the better.

Here’s the list of awkward things to expect when you’re 40.

  1. Somebody says: Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache. 
  2. One woman says: “In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wingspans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.” 
  3. Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear end without turning around. 
  4. Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize that it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film. 
  5. Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream “Listen honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those will, too!” 
  6. Mid-life brings with it the wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we’re sitting on our biggest ones. 
  7. Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all, cell phone totting teenager and think: “For this I have stretch marks??” 
  8. In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing we can still retain is water. 
  9. Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the “big” questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice? 
  10. But, mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important.
      We realize that everything sags, hips expand, and chins double, 
          but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the 
             knowledge that you have now for the body you had back then?

Now what’s your thought about it?

1 comment:

  1. Very funny lola M.
    But seriously, you will not even feel it when the big Four Oh comes. So don't fret, I always say it's just a number.