Sometimes I Do Politics

For most of my life, April has not been a favorite, however I do fancy it’s clear, blue sky. April is beach and sand and sun burn. April is a spacious train ride to and from work. April is waking up late, longer break fast and TV time.

And this year, April is more hands to shake.

You know those campaigning politicians. I was sitting for a good 30 minutes, talking and laughing with neighbors and not too long came a parade of politicians one after another. And since election came every 3 years, and I get to meet local officials once every 3 years too, I was almost sure I got entertained looking, talking, teasing them with sheer and unbridled enthusiasm. Boy, don’t they look so cool to vent and poked fun at. But of course I can try and fool myself that I was able to make fun of them, knowing that politicians are already used to swearing around, talking around and lying around.

And while I was telling myself to never see a senatorial candidate from as far as Palawan, I saw Hagedorn.

Hagedorn? you know underground river, tubbataha?...moustache? Yeah that's Hagedorn. 

I thought his face hair looks funny.

I am actually not a politics person. I don’t have any political record. I don't even have anything to back up my claim on how to survive election campaign period. But since I am a legitimate voter of this country, and have survived 13 elections already, I can probably add to your election-survival scheme.

That is,

If you’re a campaigning politician:

1. Wear a vest with your name on it. The one that will make you look like a police reporter. It adds a fashion sense. 
2. Wear a toupee. Even if it looks so fake and ill-fitted. It gives you the impression that you can survive your 3-year term without frequent cardiac arrests. 
3. Come with a hoard of followers. It will make you look so important. And rich. 
4. Don’t shake hands looking and smelling like another dog(or cat or any other animal). This can be ground for disqualification. 

And if you’re just a plain citizen, you could have your head hacked by these people if:

1. You tell them they smell like dogs. 
2. You tell them their hair look fake and ask them straight about their age. 
3. You will not laugh at their dull jokes. 
4. You ask them for money.

 I'll admit that I'm being a little snarky here, so I'll finish by clarifying that there is no real and genuine"election survival plan"; if you fail to do any of these things, then you sir (or madam) are, in for a real trouble.

Don't tell me I didn't tell you.