Wednesday, March 6, 2013

I Play the Older Sibling Sometimes

I’m the middle child. I am supposed to be the loner, non-caring, less dependent member of the family according to this website

I got older sister and a younger brother who works does huge turbines abroad, leaving a wife and children. My sister’s husband also works overseas and so she raises her own kids single-handedly. No mean feat. And I’m with a husband who cannot have a weekend day off, leaves the house before the children wake up and come home after they have fallen asleep. So yes, that makes all three of us single parents.

My sister is an emotional freak. I am seriously not joking when I say that. Granted some of her worries are results of her own inanity, but some others are results of others’ stupidity. And she takes them all seriously. More often I watched her like complete innocent bystander. Like last night. Her daughter is turning 7 soon and was not prepared to do anything big, perhaps only a simple dinner. However bro’s wife ‘s expectations and excessive concern were too obvious. She volunteered to take charge of the event. Always asking the little girl about the party. It’s sweet, right? But my sister did not like it and she texted me that morning.

“What’s with the text?” I asked.

“She thinks it’s totally uncool me not throwing birthday party for Dyann…”

“Says who?”

“Says she”

“So?”I kept the serious expression on my face and stared.

“I don’t want to stress myself with all the preparations!” she told me wryly.

(sidenote: do not ever cancel a party when the kid involved is around. )

“A ‘little' party sounds like fun?” I told considerately, looking at my niece’s face suddenly glowed with delight, “May be it’s not that stressful”.

“No clowns, no give-aways. With only few friends and some parlor games. That’s all. “

This pretty much solved the case. The girl got the party she wants, the mom feel not too harass.

Although I don’t do Dr. Phil a lot, there were also other separate cases where I tried to make sense of things into her. Like the case of family conflicts , by that I mean conflicts between aunts, uncles, and cousins. You see our family gets so bored easily. If nothing is happening, we get wary and suspecting.

“I can’t stand them”, she said one time.

“Since when?” I glared at her

“Since always” she glared back.

She’s pointing out the perennial cases of over-dependencies, laziness, foolishness, egotism and selfishness that being talked about among family members. We’re not perfect, but who is anyway.

"Oh yes, this battle has been going on for years” I answered, “If anything, Ann Curtis is right. You have to learn the art of deadma…”

All of these years I could have been plagued with only sad memories of my childhood. During family reunions in the province, among cousins there are kids who stayed at the kitchen to cook and wash dishes and there are other kids who were sent out to sing and play to entertain guests. I’ve realized that in some warped way that I’ve felt as though those experiences help me reason with my self when I can’t understand the behavior of the adults. I agree life is unfair sometimes.

I told my sister to separate herself from the situation emotionally. She should not feel annoyed, or goaded just because people around her were also frustrated and upset. She said she feels she has to take side.

This is the part where I rolled my eyes.

“You have to accept that some things are not meant to balance with logic and objectivity. You simply cannot”.

“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions and decisions”.

And I told her she needs off of this planet now and then.

So that's the story. In closing the only thing that I can say is that it seemed like a good idea to wash dirty linens in a blog post from time to time.


  1. yes, life isn't fair talaga.. ganyan talaga but we have to accept the glad you acting as an older sibling.. acting maturely and deciding maturely. Di mo rin siguro masisisi sya.. Baka may mga emotional pains.

  2. Sometimes I am kind of thankful that my siblings and I live in different continents. Since we all have minds of our own I wonder what would happen if we do not agree on one thing. But then family is family, at times it is enough that you have said your piece and let them figure out and learn from their own problems.

  3. “Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions and decisions”. "
    Super tama ka po dito...Meron tayong 2 pag pipilian everyday tuwing gigising tayo...
    Ang maging masaya o maging malungkot..I choose the first one... mahirap pero it's for my own good.. :)
    Have a stress free weekend