Friday, March 30, 2012

Goodbye March

I love my February than my March this year. I know that we should be thankful for every thing, and I already see that nothing good come out from ranting and moaning. I possibly could have appreciated March, and having to like it for its cold rainy nights, but then of course my husband had Transient Ischemic Attack ((abbreviated as TIA, often referred to as mini stroke) middle of this month and was hospitalized for 2 days and has no health insurance. I should have liked March because have I befriended an old-time college pal and we are now talking again, but this same month almost turned me into an eyewitness to a shooting crime as well. Should I have not changed my way to my aerobic class one early morning, I could have witnessed the killing of a woman left dead along the road. Bystanders said she was shot exactly the time I was passing through the street. Husband told we should live somewhere else more safe. Good point, darling. Only, you need at least one million to change address.

But March is good to me all in all and here’s the breakdown:

1.I learned to dance Zumba and everytime I do it I imagined myself as Jena Dewan dancing with half clothed Channing Tatum.

2.I learned few things such as the TO Screenshot I made to my recent post.

3.Living and getting through premenstrual syndrome (PMS) which means surviving
intense physical discomfort and frequent bouts of mild depression.

4.Ready to admits to faults and getting a tiny bit more matured each day.

5.Finally, I discovered hubs’ severe addiction to Losartan. I told him once to stop
taking them because his kidneys may suffer, but was told back it quiets his blood

Well, I know you can never have all the good things in life. But at least you still have 'life' to be thankful for.

Thank you all friends for attending the circus that is my brain.~

Monday, March 26, 2012

How I Feel On This Monday Morning

You know what I am not very good at? We’ll aside from many things, I am bad with waiting. Although you see me cool and calm outside, but inside an emotional meltdown is underway, which, believe me, is no easy feat. I am always like this: slightly manic depressive. Hyper, frenzied and over excited at one time and agitated and nervous the next. In real life I can be passive about many things. If someone bothers me, I hold it in to the point where I feel like I'm going to burst.

Waiting for me is like sitting alone in a lifeless jumble of secret thoughts.

That’s because I am mental. When asked about his worst trait, Boy Abunda, a popular Filipino TV host, he has tendency to overanalyze. He tends to over think. That’s me, exactly. I am always inclined towards thoughts and ideas. But then time comes that it’s no longer tolerable. Suddenly, the thoughts became words, and words became actions. And actions became life. What was used to be just inside your head, now written all over your dour, bleak face. And then I asked, if nothing was coming to me, why bother?

So, there I was, hanging on to every fiber of hope, whether these things will come to pass or not. But no assurance. In fact, I don’t even have any claim for it. Truth of the matter, I am just under the person’s goodness. Tied to a promise that I don’t know if he can deliver. So from here to where this leads, I am at waiting mode. Left with nothing but time to wait and optimism to hang on dearly.

So what's the point to this post? Don’t promise me stars, because sometimes I expect to see the whole universe.

Monday, March 19, 2012

I Am Not Alone

How do you describe how it felt when you discovered that your blog, the cradle of all your dreams, wishes and life’s inanities, wasn’t original and realized that there are others Thinking Outloud, some differently written, some hyphenated, some all caps, some not, flying around in the cyberspace?

Yes, that was a terrible thought.

How do you talk about the crushing sadness upon knowing that their blogs are more interesting, bearing all the interesting articles, features, gadgets that you wish your own blog has? Or the envy that they have thousands of followers and you have barely ten?

You can’t. You can only wish to trade places.

How do you express the thud in your chest when you learn how they are well acknowledged by others by the number of ads, awards, likes and comments that were all over the walls, and realized you only have your very loyal friend and a few others to comment on yours.

It is hurtful.

But in between hurt and disappointment, I like to think that my very own, my precious, truly beloved Thinking Outloud is my little slice of heaven on the Internet inspite of it’s almost skippable entries. Through this I was able to spew all of my fantasies, self-discontents, frustrations, memories. So I want to thank you all followers, silent readers and commenters alike, thank you all so much for reading. You all make this one smashing adventure.

My own piece of heaven

In closing you might have noticed a theme of loaded daytime drama when my hormones are raging against me. Yes, friends. This is one of them.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

When He Is Sick

There are many ways a woman finds herself strong at the point where her man is weak. I often see my being emotional as my weakness, and my sensitive, almost neurotic responses to familial problems, I asked, 'have I toughened over the years?' Looking back, I would always seek stability and balance in everything: my budget, my concerns with the children, dealing with frustrations about husband, plus the self- discontent I sometimes feel. Last Monday, I brought my husband to the hospital because of chest pain, dizziness and numbness. I cannot think of any time in my life where I felt more vulnerable, more tired and more helpless than when one of my family is sick. Seeing him weak and at risk, I don’t know how I gathered myself together to show him that I am in-control and I take charge for us.

I spoke with the first doctor with strength and clarity of mind, but inside I cringed and wanted to walk away. Hospital scenes are not one of my favorites and so the smell, the noise, the drama inside the emergency room are the experiences I want to erase from memory along with deaths and funerals. The neurologist, who very kindly made us wait for three hours to be seen, even if this was emergency and husband is dying of anything between simple gas pain and stroke, arrived and simple and upfront, she ordered for CT Scan. After filling out the paperwork, I gave the clipboard back to the receptionist and watched as her lips sweetly uttered:

“You don’t have insurance. That’s 6,500.00, Ma’m”

I thought the numbness transferred to me. I can’t feel anything. There was a lump in my throat, and there was very little air coming in. Good thing we were already at the emergency room and my Maxicare was just in my pocket. And that’s how I realized, while God meant no harm for us, and so sicknesses and bad health are reminders that sometimes they are the results of our bad habits, it is also important to have health insurance. No matter how much they cost, HMO’s can free you from unpleasant surprises. Since the matter is not an issue (or the lack) of HMO, we went on with the CT scan and was later told that husband is well and good.

The whole experience taught us many things. God allows sickness so that we might know
that He is God. Trust in the fact that God loves you and He is not playing games with your life. Therefore, rest in the fact that God loves you. Trust in God’s character, wisdom, and power. He cares about you! Trust that He is smarter than you are and that He will somehow use this suffering for good. Secondly, if you can afford it, protect yourself with the use of a health care provider. Put your hard earned money where they should be.

And here is something to make us think why health is a true wealth...

* The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.

* So many people spend their health gaining wealth, and then have to spend their wealth to regain their health.

* I refuse to spend my life worrying about what I eat. There is no pleasure worth forgoing just for an extra three years in the geriatric ward.

* My fat scares me - it's a ticking time bomb.

* Those obsessed with health are not healthy; the first requisite of good health is a certain calculated carelessness about oneself.

* It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like. –

* If you do everything you should do, and do not do anything you should not do, you will, according to the best available statistics, live exactly eighteen hours longer than you would otherwise.

* If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer.

* It's no coincidence that four of the six letters in health are "heal."

* Bacteria keeps us from heaven and puts us there.

* If your body's not right, the rest of your day will go all wrong.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Happy Women's Day!

I will narrow the use of women here to mothers, whether they are married, divorced, separated, single and those mothers, although not by blood, but by heart. Mothers who always try to do the right thing and make what would be the best choices- for others. So, happy women’s day to all of you great ladies!

I believe good people put everyone else first, but mothers usually done it for so long that they tend to lose themselves in the process. It's okay, they do this to survive, to equip their children and because of their innate nurturing qualities. But they exhaust themselves managing everyone else's happiness, schedule, emotions and even their own anxiety. Drop the need for things to be "just so," or perfect. It sucks the life out of them than gets them to the place they desire.

John Gray of Men from Mars and Women From Venus defines how we are different from our male counterpart. He said that men get their sense of self from achievement and women get their sense of self from relationships. Men are action-oriented, while women are verbal. Our hostility is released with words rather than fists. And when we're upset, the way for us to feel better is by talking about our problem with other people. So that explains why mothers are control-freak at times. But really, its not the difference that matters but the goodness inside the heart that translates to understanding, care and love for people we care deeply for.

So, us, being the more emotional, more attached to feelings, more sentimental and more verbal part of the human race, let’s enjoy our womanhood.And hope that the men in our lives would treat us like how they have treated us before the marriage.

Here's how to impress us:
* Wine her,
* Dine her,
* Call her,
* Hug her,
* Support her,
* Hold her,
* Surprise her,
* Compliment her,
* Smile at her,
* Listen to her,
* Laugh with her,
* Cry with her,
* Romance her,
* Encourage her,
* Believe in her,
* Pray with her,
* Pray for her,
* Cuddle with her,
* Shop with her,
* Give her jewelry,
* Buy her flowers,
* Hold her hand,
* Write love letters to her,
* Go to the end of the Earth and back again for her.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

Little People

Happy first day of March everybody! As we are leaving the love month, let's welcome the summer months with these cute Little People.

Aren't they amazing?