‘Ma, How Did Red Riding Hood Get Inside The Wolf?’

I am jealous of Silent Night song. You know, the part where everyone sleeps in heavenly peace? My home has been the scene of frustrating walk-offs and glares across the ceiling whenever the children are difficult. We have times of calm and lots of fun, but what concerns me is the rivalry between the two kids. At ages 2 and 7, often the competition among the two escalates to shouting matches or bullying. One of my children is so loud and stubborn that the standoff drains every bit of resolve and patience from my soul. Sometimes, I scream, glare and bully back. Sometimes I give up and walk away.

These are not my proud moments, I tell you.

And that’s how I realize why fairy tales are invented: to sedate fighting children.

Last night, to stop the kicking and yelling, we had Red Riding Hood. Since my children never bother what stories to read, it’s easy to pick from our Reader’s Digest’s The World’s Best Fairy Tales, and so I went for this one. As a standard in children's literature, Little Red Riding Hood is a little girl who makes her epic quest to her grandmother's house to visit her ailing grandmother. Along the way, the girl meets a wolf, who discovers her intent and runs on ahead to Grandmother's house. The wolf then eats Little Red Riding Hood's grandmother and awaits the girl’s arrival.

Yes, children, the wolf gobbled up Grandma.

As I continued on with the girl on the hoodie, we got to the part where Red comments on "what big" arms, legs, ears, eyes, and teeth the wolf has, which ends with the wolf saying "The better to eat you!" The wolf then "threw himself upon Little Red Riding Hood and ate her up."

Yes, children, the wolf just committed a double murder.

By this time, I came to realize that some Fairy Tales are not for kids.

After the wolf ate Little Red Cap, he fell to sleep and his snoring drew the attention of a hunter. The hunter enters the house, sees the sleeping wolf and says: "So here you are, you old sinner... I've been looking for you for a long time." Then, instead of shooting the wolf, he cuts open the wolf and lets out Little Red Cap and her grandmother.

“Ma, how did that happen?” I wish I know the answer, kid. By this time, I was as confused as them. Boy, what was I thinking..there's Cinderella, Snow White, etc..

The hunter then puts heavy stones in the wolf's stomach. When the wolf wakes up, he drops dead. The hunter then skins the wolf and goes home.

“Ma, wha—“

“I have a headache. Let us all go to sleep.”

Its on page 204!