Wednesday, February 12, 2014

How To Deal With Your Exes

Exes aren’t that hard to spot. They are EVERYWHERE. In order to deal with them, you have to understand what they are going through, where they are coming from. Because all they need is love and understanding.


Exes expect that everybody loves them. They have this sense of self-worth that if they are loved, they think they deserve it and if they are hated, they think that other person is just insecure or intimidated. Because what is not to love? In their own world, they are perfect.

Some exes think that they are the prettiest thing their parents have ever created.

Sometimes I wonder if pets roll their eyes when humans baby talk them. because when I hear girls baby talk their boyfriends, I roll my eyes. However, its okay to baby talk husbands. Husbands are wives’ first born, right?


So okay. I'm not gonna assume that you are having some sort of woman trouble. No, not at all.

And because I know that most men don't understand women AT ALL, I decided to write about “The Boy That Never Was”. So yeah, Katy Perry.

So let’s say you crossed path with an ex accidentally. And you had a bad separation. Like he dumped you for another girl. Ouch.

For a starter, these kinds of people deserve a high-five.

In the face.

With a hammer.

Well, yeah okay, I exaggerated a little bit.

When you see Ex coming your way, don’t chicken out. Say hello with confidence. Don’t quiver. And please don’t start the conversation with.. “do you miss me?”. Please.

Give him a serious look. Or something.

Stupidity is a crime.

Now. What if you are the type who likes to avoid social interaction, especially when Ex is involved? And what if you have to see Ex every day because he goes to your school or you work with him?

This probably should work.

Make more loyal friends who are willing to go to jail with you. And be catchy all the time. Even if you’re just gonna go to the next table. Wear sexy, borderline Gaga clothes that it would drain the color of your face. I know, I know it's gonna be hard. Wearing clothes that are 10 sizes too small takes some getting used to, but you have to sacrifice! You need to prove you are okay after the break up. Even if that was 10 years ago.

This or get a life and move on, for heaven’s sake.

Ten years ago is soo history.

And I believe if fate meant you to be together, you’ll find each other in the next life.

You are you and he is your son haha!!

Okay. I'll stop right there.

♥ Happy Valentines! ♥


Monday, February 10, 2014

What Happens When I Get Behind On Chores

Like laundry.

As long as I have reasonably clean uniforms for the kids, socks & unders for the hubs and a clean bra for me, I'm usually good.

But it never occurred to me that I would run out of panties.

I have 10,000 pairs of underwear. Some are fun & lacy. Some are thongs. Some coordinate with a bra. Others like the bloomers that I stole from mother. Imagine a full panty with a pocket to hold sanitary napkin in place. I know no girl would own up to wearing it.

But most of what I have are comfy cotton briefs.

Last night after my shower, I opened the panty drawer and. . . . . .chirp chirp chirp.

Nothing. Not a thing. Not a thong. No boyshorts, hipsters, g-strings or briefs.

In normal circumstances, I would go without. But it's fright week. I need unders.

I had NOTHING. Just a giant pile of dirty laundry. I would never wear dirty underwear. Ok, I would. I totally would. But the laundry was especially dirty with wet towels and everything. So I couldn't even find any not-too-dirty ones.

If Miranda Kerr could wear this.. I could too.

I had to borrow from Hubs.

And Hubs has 2 choices: tighty whiteys or colored briefs with bacon waistband. Tight whities weren't gonna do it for me because they wouldn't hold my . .. um . . products in place.

I knew boys were different from girls. I had no idea HOW different.

They have the whole keyhole thing goin' on. Because they are too lazy to pull their pants down when they pee. Know what else? The leg holes on T.W.s are tight. I mean -- no elastic. What the...? How can they wear these?

And there is about 8 inches of fabric between the legholes. Their legs are NOT that far apart. I know they need extra fabric to cover their extra parts, but I had NO IDEA that there was so much fabric down there. Finally,the waistband? Definately not designed for girls. Well, maybe for Miranda Kerr. But for girls with hips? Nope.

So today, I am catching up on my laundry.

Cotton briefs first.