This.is.like.my. job. now.

Today is a Saturday. I don't count the weeks anymore, I count the months. I never want to count the years. Years is too long without nothing to do. Losing a job isn’t very glamorous. You’re bound to do house chores, tending naughty kids and waiting for husband to come home. But that's life - in all it's gloriousness, confusion, darkness. That's life.

My eldest is going to be 10 tomorrow. He used to fit in romper suits and play with nails and suck on a dummy and now he has started to get a little less clingy with me. I had to teach him how to tie a tie. We're not there yet, but we're close. Often I look at him and cry from love, especially when he was a baby but also especially lately when suddenly all of us in life seem so fragile.

He plays every games with his friends. And still cried if he lost. One time he went home crying because a clown wouldn’t let him win. And not too long ago, he bagged most of the prizes in a birthday party. He was beaming with pride. Yes, he's naturally competitive.

I ask him what the current crop of girls are like.

"Ahhh, dunno ma I'm not interested in girls at the moment."

I told him I *bet* they're interested in him and we both laughed.

And I remembered how tiny he was as a baby, how I'd stand at his door during daytime naps waiting for him to wake up because I missed him.

::