When The Day Is Long and Hard

Months previously, I was trying so hard to go against sadness. I know I was teetering toward mild depression hence my slight effort to start Christmas early in this blog.

Mother is sick and is now seriously ill. Already on Valium.

Many times I sat in my bed late at night absolutely scared about what to do.

Went to see her many times this week. The first time I couldn't touch her but the second time I loved her and hugged her and told her how much we adored her. I wiped her face with a tissue and felt her arms and legs and feet, knowing it may be the last few times we will ever see her. The wrinkles, almost wooden skin, is she dying inside? yet SO beautiful. Such a strapping person. Always have guests around to see her, even by person I never met in my whole life.

I'm not praying for miracles anymore. But I have a husband and two beautiful kids I adore just as much as I adored mother so I'm sure I'll keep going. Still I need everything that I can get because my mother is now counting months, may be days. Weeping and keening, and then this strange silence. I don’t know. Valium would not tell me.

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I found this poster and it made a lot of sense to me.