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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

That Was Never a Comedy For Me

I broke down in tears Sundays ago.

In front of my church friends; was literally sobbing and was crying my heart out.

I came to church in my old self. Living a normal life and just trying to work stuff out, be present as a parent, a sister, a friend while holding my self together, doing the very best I can. You know, finding beauty in things.

But things were not good lately. We have been stressing out due to mother’s condition.

I wasn’t in the best frame of mind, but I did come anyway. We’ve been MIA for 2 Sundays already. Sometimes if I ignore how I feel and just do the things I need to do, I come good.

But there was no coming good.

Between his and hellos, I told them that mother is not doing good, water was leaking in her lungs.

And then came the singing, the hand-shaking and the preaching.

The last thing I remember, the preacher, whom I know personally, told in the pulpit, in front of many, that people gets easily downed and depressed

“Because their mothers are sick”

In a mocking, amusing and comical way.

I thought I heard a few laughed with what supposed to be a joke. What is more difficult, he said the same joke one more time.

But that was never a comedy for me.

I was hurt so badly that I wept.

I came to his wife crying. I told her I was hurt. Said it was not a good joke.

I've never felt so scarily low, for such an extended period of time. I unravelled to the end of the string. It was such a relief to not pretend anymore. But then people can be so insensitive sometimes, they don’t know.

I don’t know too. It was 2 weeks already. My head says its time to move on. But my heart tells it needs more time to heal.

14 comments:

  1. oh, sorry to hear that ate malou. Sometimes that's just how people are. I guess your pastor never meant to personally throw it to you, it's just that at the time you felt it, and it hit you. I'm proud that you were able to express your suffering and that you told his wife that you felt bad about it. For me that was courageous.

    I hope your mom's feeling better.

    Sending you my prayers. Light and love :)

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    1. Thanks Sheena. I thought a lot before posting this. Alam mo na...washing dirty linens in public. But hearing you and the rest made me feel better. Thanks, your encouragement really helps a lot.

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  2. sobrang insensitive nga ni Preacher...palamig ka lang and things will be better... Focus on praying na lang for your mom's condition...

    some people don't understand that it's the least thing you need right now...

    I will pray for you...

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    1. Thanks Senyor, oo nga eh. Alam ko naman lilipas din ang pakiramdam nato like all the heartaches I went through before. Tama ka. Chill lang muna..

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  3. Sorry to hear about your Mom. We are indeed very sensitive and emotional when it comes to the people who matter so much and it is rather sad that some still try so hard to make things light to the point of being insensitive.

    Sending my prayers to you and your family.

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    1. Hi Sarah, what you said is very true. Thanks for the prayer..

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  4. naramdaman ko din yan before... mga speakers namin sa mga talks na 'sige lang ang patama at pagpapatawa sa iba'.. Ginagawang joke ang kalagayan ng iba... Iniisip na 'entertainer' sila sa halip na maging 'life giver' sa mga message nila. Anyway, time to let go, hayaan mo sila at wag nang paapekto. Ipakita mong masaya ka na kahit papaano...

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    1. Hehe inde pala ako nag iisa. Sorry to hear that it happened to you as well, Ric. I have apprehension posting the experience at first, you know, putting my pastor in a bad light. However, it somehow released me..I dont know.

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  5. awwww! It really is never a good joke, not to you, not to me, and anyone. Tsk. Very insensitive.

    Will pray for your mom.

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    1. Hi Pao, thanks for the prayer. I can forget this soon. I hope.

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  6. Preachers like that do not have a right to preach. Negative things that happen to other people shouldn't be made fun of and preachers should know that. Sickness is never a joking matter and I can't see anything that can be funny about people getting depressed because a family member is sick. Crazy thing to do!

    I will offer a prayer for your mom.

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    1. Thanks Claire.

      We've made peace already. I guess it's a problem of who is being insensitive or who is overly sensitive. Under normal circumstance, I could let this small incident pass. I know that people generally meant well. I guess its wrong choice of words said in the wrong time..

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  7. To make a joke about the feelings of someone whos loveone is very sick, is just rude and ill mannered, ive lost a lot of love ones, and I can relate to people about their feelings, of course it is depressing to see one of my loveones suffer an incurable illness, and it is also depressing money wise cos its expensive to treat someome with cancer...some people are just insensitive, and they should know when is the right time to joke...all I can say, just feel blessed that you are not that preacher...

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    1. Hi Cecille,

      Yeah, I can relate to what you said. But we're okay now. People are clueless and insensitive at times. And I can be the most sensitive person when bad things happen. But yeah, we've made peace now. Thanks for your comforting words.

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