What Is It Again?!

Now, I've never mentioned this before, but I have a serious case of forgetfulness. There are days that I couldn’t easily call to mind usual or familiar things. Sometimes, I would mull over which vegetable, spices and ingredients is right for the recipe I have in mind. Occasionally, I discover left over food lying inside the fridge after days or weeks. And twice or thrice it happened that I got off the jeep without paying my fare. And last night, mother asked for analgesic and I replied I don’t have. The pain held her awake until 2am. Today, when I went about my routines preparing myself for work, I saw this tiny bottle of calming oil that I have for sometime now, which is very good for pains and inflammations, and I almost cursed myself for being forgetful. She could have had a night of peaceful sleep if it weren’t for my “memory loss”.

So there I was: easy to forget and difficult to keep watch and to stay awake. It is said that passion, tastes, excitements, hobbies, competitions, entertainments are things that entrance us and dominate our sub-conscious minds. It may be true because I think it’s my active imagination and my mountainful of mental notes that I make all day, everyday. I make decisions and juggle one task to another so as to save time. With the day-to-day activities that we do for our jobs, families, friends, co-workers, and so much more that we have to deal with, we sometimes find that we barely have time for ourselves to just relax and rest our mind. However, I just hope not to run out of memory for more important things that this life awaited me.

Missing

If it weren’t for my friends, college years will not be exciting. I am, by nature, an introvert, more like the introspective kind who keeps things to herself. Not that I can’t handle conversation, I was just not loud or vocal to somehow get people’s attention. But for some reason, we gravitated towards each other and began sharing stories, interests and views about so many things. We hit it off like puzzle, so to speak. Like suman and a ripe mango. Nut and bolt. Peg and a hole. Next thing we know, we were godparents to our children.

But years have passed and the bond slowly deteriorates. Aside from occasional rendezvous at birthdays, baptismal, wake, etc, life happens without them. Suddenly, I could no longer reach them and I was not part of their stories, dreams and lives anymore. And I became distant myself. Though our relationships were not completely soured; disinterest and lack of concern have not surely sweetened them either.

I almost got reunited with them. I looked forward to our class reunion with trepidation, expecting that things will get better. I could almost hear the guffaws, the never ending shriek. I can imagine us rolling with laughter. Then again, it seemed that all creations conspire to prevent me from coming. And I missed it. And I realized that I missed them all the more.

First Day High

Yesterday, the little boy woke up very early for school. Blankly, he took the shower, get dressed and ate his breakfast. Though he was not complaining, he was certainly not thrilled about waking up, eating and taking a bath early. And as if zapped by aliens, he moved and talked like zombie, while everyone in the house was crazy preparing his things. Suffice to say, he discovered too soon that school at early hours is not really a cool idea. To go from being cuddled and having everything sugar-coated, to the responsibility of keeping to himself and do not have someone to come in rescue in case he messed up.
However, his moods picked up at the sight of huge trees and building and courts once inside the school ground. He also took delight with the pictures and drawings posted all over his big classroom. His classmates, obviously not all was shy, were getting noisier. Not wanting to leave the boy just yet, I took one last look at him; expecting him to beg if I could just take him home. Soon I realized I was just as fearful to leave him on his own. But I was wrong about him. I thought I saw courage and guts in his eyes telling me that he will be fine. That’s when I knew he was ready for this after all.

Perpective

I missed learning musical instruments when still young. I can’t tread water, or swim across 5-feet pool. Baking isn’t for me as well as gardening. My interest for cooking hasn’t been awakened until I had my youngest. I can be graceful yes, but not a very astute dancer. I always have fears for plugging electrical objects and will forever wonder what was it liked to drive a car. Have not done hang gliding, cliff diving, or even won in a lottery. Yet to finish a 3-inch paper book by Brooke Shield, Down Came The Rain, and still to take home my post graduate diploma.

But here’s what I learned in life: The most stressful thing for you to do is to be someone else. And the easiest to do? To be yourself. And there lies your greatest success, your greatest happiness. All these cants, fails, misses did not make me feel any less. In fact, they are part of my entirety as a person. Maybe, I don’t look good behind drums because I look better at the center stage. I can’t strum but I can sing. I may not capable of putting together a gourmet meal but I can provide healthy serving of food for my family. I could not possibly breed organic rice but surely, I can raise and feed dog if need be. I ride buses, jeepneys and tricyles because my first car is yet to come. My fear of falling runs in contrast to gliding and diving; and therefore, hanging in the air may not really be exciting or fun at the very least. However, my not finishing school and reading books is unforgivable. Blame the little ones. They are more fun to read as you’ll never know what they’re going to do next. In this time where wants and dreams are relative and interchangeable, I don’t wish to get all things I want rather, to want the things that I already have.

Just don’t make me plug or get near any electrical socket.