Since You Asked…

I am not spawning. Not pregnant. It’s my belly, and it is just bloated.

Yesterday, the church was a full house. It was our anniversary and many people came to check us. Some were a bit cold, some tried their best to be gracious and cordial and some others were genuinely happy to cheer with us.

I was one of the two emcees and so my face was wallpaper.

In a mad scramble to coordinate the next song number to the next powerpoint presentation, I was trotting like a troll.

And so bumping with old acquaintances, shaking hands with ex-deacons, ex-youth members, ex co-workers, is always inevitable.

And so I was asked, “Sis, pregnant ka ba?”

By the same old woman, who asked the same question, every single time she see me. And I did what I always do in extremely stressful and emotional situations: smile. Can she just asked “kumusta na?”.

So I said no, and after exchanging few pleasantries I excused myself politely.

And then another guy commented, “tumataba ka ngayon ah.”

He said that, like it was nothing.

Thank you. Your words are really comforting.

I'm being as kind to myself as I possibly can, cutting myself some slack. My children, they are so full of life, and beautiful and my biggest treasure. I’m beyond lucky and have a big spirit of gratitude. Hubs looks better with each passing year. Not too thin, not too fat. ... how is it that men age better?

When the speaker started, I sank at the corner like a distraught toolbag. Did not care who was watching. I was all ears because I was Ruth in his story.

::

I expected to return home annoyed and stressed at all of the hurry ups, hustle and bustles and mania of anniversary event- but I'm not. Remember the story of Ruth in the bible? She is a Moabite, a widow, a foreigner, exactly a person who has no identity. Many know her side of story who is faithful to her in-law. Remember the verse:”Your people, will be my people. Your God, will be my God?”. That’s her.

But her other side tells she is a poor woman, waiting in vain for somebody to do the right thing. That's all. She was sent to Boaz to glean from his field. But Boaz here, blessed her in more ways than one. She was allowed to go with the women, picking up as they harvest. She was provided with water, and told no one to touch her or else.

I saw myself in Ruth. I’m resolved to not buy cheap version of me. My body should have no bearing on how people treat me. And I want to talk to those good people who never had to live this, but genuinely want to care and help, without buying into crap that have been sold for generations about obesity, diet and body image.

God sees us as beautiful people, fat and all. What we taught that things we don’t deserved like respect, kind-heartedness, thoughtfulness, caring words- these are given. And more. He sent Jesus, what else can He not give?