Some Things Are Harder Than You Think

Women are not as complicated as you guys believe. Oh well, there are times that we are hormonal, over-dramatic and sensitive.

But everyone goes through this at some point, whether you're a guy or a girl. So it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Because you know what? It's normal for people.

When I am by myself, I eat a family block chocolate, one leg propped up. I pluck armpits hair. Talk to the world and wait for it to talk back. I swear, ruminate, despair and answer all the questions in my head. And I talked so fast you’d swear I am schizo.

But when I am out in the society, no one could suspect. Like I will ask you super nicely if I can iron your clothes, feed your dogs or cook for you out of politeness or well meaning impulsiveness.

People close to me know I talk to a laptop. I don’t know but every time I start opening the computer, I would start talking like a robot, “start now, start now, now, now…!”

And as I have mentioned here before, I am quite a multitasker.

I have the tendency to do many things at once.

Okay. So for instance, last Saturday morning, I thought of cutting my children’s hair. You see I hate the long sideburn. So I cut them. No, really. I did. And nobody cried.

That's while the washing machine was running.

Yesterday, I planned about revamping an old black dress into a peplum blouse. You know those DIY’s flying around in the internet? I am somehow inspired. But then I forgot everything about it.

Of course I did. Also, I don't have a sewing machine.

So yeah. That's how my brain works.

Uh. That's all. Just thought I'd share.

::

Oh I made something for a very close friend. Hi Margj! She’s 40 on Saturday and because I'm super sweet, I made this card for her.

You are halfway to 80. Way to go!

Finding Friends

You can’t catch time when you’re busy catching your rowdy kids

Sorry friends. I miss you and I love you, but my hands were full. In as much as I want to yak all my stress up, converse where life has taken me so far, and convince you to death that I really took Zumba, there were lots of things on my plate. You know my kids. They trick me into “Ma, we need you more than you need friends”.

They make me feel this way all the time. Every time.

I met my college friends last December 31 and I miss them. I just couldn’t let this one pass. Gah, I miss going out. Sadly, I can’t do that as frequently as I want. And sadly, I met them with my brood.

The food was great, the place just fine. Only I had a nightmare on the first hours. I was no use to anybody because I was always busy with the kids. They need me like air. Forget the steep stairs, or the kidnappers. I fear them breaking the glass barriers anytime, falling straight down the concrete floors of Festival Mall in Alabang. Ang mahal kaya ng glass barriers.!

So to these people who I got the chance to share my life with, although very seldom I see and chat, I hope our ties will never end. And despite of the long times that went by we connected last, and the more time it takes to catch up, I know friendships are not about time and distance alone. It is about the heart that never forgets. I pray that our friendship will last forever. I pray that our kids will be friends too and share crazy stuff and relate stories only genuine people can value and understand.

To my one friend who feels that love is so elusive: Ease up. Don’t worry it will come in the right time. Feel good and look good. Love find its way to a heart that never stops dreaming and believing.

To my other friend who just entered her first romantic relationship: Enjoy the moment. Don’t fret about things you cannot control. Go with the flow. And let life takes it’s course. Sometimes when you release the reins, things fall into place naturally and simply. As they should.

And to you who suck up all the craziness of this world and still end up the best mom: I am so proud of you. You have already proven yourself. I adore your klutziness. You never hold back and that’s what makes you special. I pray you meet your one true love some day.

This post is for you guys. Rock and roll!

Do You Miss College?

I do. I enjoyed college more than high school. College was the time that I started to carve my own identity. I was no longer very shy. To some degree, it was then that I was slightly becoming of the person I really wanted--the kind that doesn’t need other’s approval.

Just a few weeks ago I had the chance of returning to my dear alma mater. Seeing the century-old columns, hallways, staircase was like coming home. Archaic, with some buildings almost dilapidated, but this university helped built up my moral fiber which are now my principles, values, standards and general understandings of life as a whole. My visit was only for few hours but the longer I stayed, I find myself sinking deeper and deeper back into old memories of friends and hardships (naks!). Did I mention I am few points away from being Cum Laude?

I also miss the people and the experiences I met and had while inside the academe. And like a favorite movie, there are days that I rerun in my mind all the funny, embarrassing and happy moments I had. I am sorry to tell you all that no, we did not dare go inside men’s room nor stolen test papers. But yes, we poked fun at one professor for not wearing the same pair of stockings. Yeah that was too lame a way of poking fun. It could be worse.

Anyway.

I will forever hold myself indebted not only for the degree that I used to get myself employed but also for the wisdom, the prudence and rationality in making life’s choices. To the one institution that accepted me not only because I have the money to pay for the tuition, but because I am willing to learn, MARAMING SALAMAT PO!

Here’s the bucketlist of all the awesome things I miss in College:

1. The colon-cleansing food they sell at the cafeteria. Oh how I miss the ginisang munggo (sautéed mongo sprouts) that magically appear every Friday.

2. I remember coming to our PE class looking like a European medieval soldier this:

Crap!

3. Secretly passing a paper and writing down what we “love” about our professors' outfit that day.

4. Being able to get rid of all those unwanted trees on the planet by turning into papers that eventually gets turn up and burned.

5. Going home early due to typhoon.

6. Arriving to school only to know the class was cancelled.

7. Foundation day

8. Library (especially the Thesis section where I sleep)

9. Eating dirty ice cream and kwek-kwek.

10. Friends: Tet, Eunice, Thelma, Joy, Jo, Beca, Benny, Ate Marlyn. Naming them will not give the perfect description of how grateful I was, am and will be.

So there you go. I am certain that I could add a ton more stuff if I really put my mind to it, but I'm lazy and feel like napping, so that's all you're getting. For now.

And to all of you who are returning to school on Monday, take heart kids. School is fun and so are the memories you will make inside and outside of it.

Does She?

Do you know what is just downright odd, friends? You know, not being able to be closed with a person. I know two people and they make me believe that they are real friends. And I'm a bit jealous. And I have virtually NO idea why? I'm sure you can relate, right? Well, at least a poem came out of it, I suppose...

Your simple acts and lack of demands
Are what make you dear to everyone
You don’t impose, you just give suggestions
To conflicts, you always stay on the ground

Occasionally, you argue but never rude or proud
But at times you keep your wall as if no one is allowed
Those were moments I stayed at a distance
For I don’t want to break in on anyone

So I guess, respect came first before our friendship
A prelude, may be a space I thought you need
However, time passed and we became accustomed to it
I realized the coldness, the distance no, not this!

You carry songs so very well,
Your two-part harmony we can never do without
But what’s good in telling
For few days from now you’ll be leaving

But all is not spoiled though for I know
In a way, you had me inspired; you had me wished to grow
In singing, in serving, in believing what I can still do
To my one sister-in-Christ, that’s true, that’s you

While we are not itchy with each other, we just didn’t hit it off, so to speak. We belong to one group, but I don’t feel closed to her. I arrived into conclusion that sometimes there is a kind of friendship that needs more time before it fully blossoms. While there are relationships that come so naturally, there are others that require special care and attention. And then there’s also this kind that never grows at all.

So what if you are not the “best friend”?

Inside, I feel not really sad but more like puzzled as to why we didn’t click. This can be really awkward at times. So what do you do while you stare at her ever so cozy, warm and close with others than she is with you?

Honestly? Nothing. You cannot force closeness, like you cannot force love.

You can only be happy for them.

Missing

If it weren’t for my friends, college years will not be exciting. I am, by nature, an introvert, more like the introspective kind who keeps things to herself. Not that I can’t handle conversation, I was just not loud or vocal to somehow get people’s attention. But for some reason, we gravitated towards each other and began sharing stories, interests and views about so many things. We hit it off like puzzle, so to speak. Like suman and a ripe mango. Nut and bolt. Peg and a hole. Next thing we know, we were godparents to our children.

But years have passed and the bond slowly deteriorates. Aside from occasional rendezvous at birthdays, baptismal, wake, etc, life happens without them. Suddenly, I could no longer reach them and I was not part of their stories, dreams and lives anymore. And I became distant myself. Though our relationships were not completely soured; disinterest and lack of concern have not surely sweetened them either.

I almost got reunited with them. I looked forward to our class reunion with trepidation, expecting that things will get better. I could almost hear the guffaws, the never ending shriek. I can imagine us rolling with laughter. Then again, it seemed that all creations conspire to prevent me from coming. And I missed it. And I realized that I missed them all the more.