An Open Letter to Andi Eigenmann

Dear Andi:

I suppose I should get a couple of things out of the way first. One, I will not pretend to be your mother so this sadly is not to patronize you and your decisions. In fact, for the longest time, I couldn’t decide if I liked you, and lately I’m not just into you. And two, how did you get so thin and sexy when you just gave birth last year? My youngest is already 3 but I still look pregnant. Why?

I watched you at Deal or No Deal the last time . You can make the 24K girls run out of job. You were sporting a body hugging, almost spandex-like mini dress. For some of us chronically obese: it’s a tease. Really, where did those flabs go? I could almost curse myself from being lazy at my aerobics class.

Actually, it's not because I'm lazy. I'm actually a pretty hard worker. It's just that this year, dancing wasn't a goal. Finishing house is.

So to you Andi, you may ask why I hate to see your latest men’s magazine cover? Because you aren’t good for me that's why. You cause depression, regrets and sugar cravings. I didn’t want to hear it either, but there you go.

Yes, the sugar cravings are too your fault. But that’s because when I am jealous, I eat more.

Frankly, I am surprised at how showbiz mothers lose weight too easily, while we, normal birthing humans, lose milligrams of fats ever so slowly. We had to actually weigh and measure our rice if we want to lose some in the waistline area. And we had to drag ourselves to the gym and face the fear of being permanently maimed by the gruesome kickboxing(I still love Zumba though). And don't even get me started on how repugnant I find other people's sweat. Ewewewew.

So to all of you who get rid of body fats, thank the heavens for your fast metabolism.

Have a nice life, Andi. I'm confident that this spontaneous letter won't break you, but good luck nonetheless.

Peace out,

Littleyana