Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Barefoot Contessa

Sidenote: Do you know the show? It is one of my favorites. However none of it is about the show.


Felt like I was trapped. Can’t move. My heart was beating so fast I can hardly breathe.

Its one of those moment that you remember exactly where you were and what you were doing when it happened.

Once again I am forced to wonder if I am the universe’s favorite plaything or whatnot.

Why don’t I give you a little back story.

You all have to imagine me standing at a tiled flatform of Buendia Station, and whistling Itsy Bitsy Spider. I’m surrounded by a lot of people, some nice, some really really bad. You know, pushy and all. I tell you inside it is like a sauna where air is so thin, you could almost choke on your own saliva.

But because I’m a masochist, I continue riding it.

Anyway, the train arrived. We squeezed ourselves as the door began to open. People are good at first, making a narrow line to make way for exiting people. And then they started to go narcissistic, pushing others so they can have their little spaces under the sweaty armpits of a guy in a sleeveless shirt.

I was pushed in all direction. Thought I had a broken metacarpal, a dislocated joint and a torn ligament.

All was calm until I felt shoeless. Suddenly it’s the hard floor, gone is the soft sole of my crocs gray flats.

The next 5 seconds was critical.

Should I go back for it?

To cut the chase, went back for it, because I can’t walk without one shoe. Found an extremely kind Security Guard to help me scoop it from the ground, and silently laughing at myself for that experience.

Now I know what Cinderella must feel like.
Not ready to let go of you yet..Hinde ka pa bayad!!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Moon Like No Other

Last night, while we were watching TV, the earth’s celestial neighbor appeared 14 percent larger and 30 percent brighter than normal. The biggest and brightest full moon of the year—called the SUPERMOON—graced the Philippine sky 7:32 pm.

It loomed larger on the horizon next to trees and buildings.

However it hid behind rain clouds.

Chances or not, could it be the reason why I am not happy?

Has the moon ate all up the good times and return with the bad times that is cancer?

Back in 2009, my mother was diagnosed with Stage 2 cancer. The next three years appeared normal. Until last month. She was sent again to the hospital for Theocentisis. A half liter of fluid was extracted from her lung. She is literally drowning. But she does not know it. She said she felt nothing. It appeared Cancer has metastised.

She grew up in a farm house in Calumpit Bulacan, said it was both tough and easy.

"Noong araw, walang tamad. Lahat may ginagawa sa loob ng bahay, kalit maliit na bata. Mahirap ang buhay, pero masaya. Naglalaro hangang tawagin na kami ni Ina dahil gabi na. Ngayon puro computer. Nakakaawa.”

I cannot agree more.

Today everything was kind of off-centre and wrong.

I worry so much, that the circumstances and stress surrounding her cancer has somehow affected her, and affected us. Though she softened a bit. She was no longer cursing when the youngest had tantrum. She leaves that already to us.

I know the panic will wear off one day, and we are left to live our lives like normal people.

Life is short. Do all of the wild and precious things you can possibly think of. Now. There won't always be time.

In the meantime ..... we're here to learn and grow and evolve, as much as we can. Be kind, man. Give of yourself to your family, and friends, and others. There's a saying that's been drummed into my head over time - you've got to give it away to keep it.


Monday, June 17, 2013

Kids, Inc.

Hello to you all my dear friends. I’ve been into a lot of things lately so busy I was not able to update my blog. Well lot of things would mean the youngest kid going now to school, my birthday, my mother’s hospitalization and my endless things to buy and things to do.


As I said, Yana started big school today. And neither of us cried.

There's such a revolting feeling when your child starts kindy. Who will help them open their crackers? How can they possibly go to a bathroom stall by themselves? The classroom is SO BIG, and she is SO LITTLE. How can this happen?

So we have one girl now in kindy and one boy in year four, at different schools. I keep telling my son in my best Rizzo voice that he's gonna"Ruuule the school."

By the time I was my sons's age, I was already thinking about my future like who will I marry, and how many kids will I have. I don’t feel so pretty then but I know that somewhere out there a little boy is also growing to be my husband.

I also tell him that because he is so strong and tall and popular, he has a duty to watch out for kids who need his help, who might be bullied. He tells me he does - I hope he does.

You think your kids are set once they are no longer babies, that the hardest part is over. It's not. It's a whole new ballgame, one I never saw coming until it came and I was all um, I didn't order this particular parenting sandwich?!

Fights, arm wrestling, limits ignored, harsh words. The severe worry and panic that you are totally wasting these kids up. It's completely terrifying. I just hope it's minimal, that not too much damage is being done, and that when they go out into the world they're armed with enough confidence to take care of themselves. And respect themselves and other people.

Financially, we often just lurch from one problem/crisis to the next. I've been parenting for nine years now. I've sucked at it, been awesome at it, loved it, loathed it. It demands so much, to look after people who can't look after themselves quite yet. Sometimes I count up on my fingers how many more years until it's just me and Hubs again, like, boyfriend/girlfriend.

But man they keep us anchored. And responsible. We're all just a bunch of crazy people, doing the best we can.