You Can’t Choose Your Family

Thirty Eight Years. That's almost four decades of existence. It seems like an eternity wrapped in a milisecond, if that makes any sort of sense. A long stretch of time on the highway of life and yet the miles seem to have passed by so quickly. Old family photos look so yesterday. Gone are the days of youthful appearance. Instead, you see your parent looking more like your grandparents while you getting your parent’s “look“.

If you know what I mean.



Life is a funny thing, isn't it? You can never really know where you're going or who you’ll end up with until you've looked at it through the lens of where you've been. Life is one wild journey, and marriage among other things is one side of self-discovery with no U-turn. In those years, I've...

*Wielded power during early times of loss, deaths, separations, unemployment, etc.

*Fought against the challenge of poverty that tried to stop from me pursuing college.

*Loved, had my heartbroken and broke a few hearts (well, in my mind) along the way.

*Finally graduated from college, got married and bore kids.

*Had 2 Cesarean surgeries.

*Exposed myself to criticisms of bringing up kids (and raising up husband).

*Molded the future Katy Perry as mom to Yana who loves to sing ‘Fireworks’.

Not looking far, I see and hear lots of stories of marriage breakdowns, watch lives go down the drain of depression, self-hating and hopelessness. And see the consequences in their children’s unhappy faces. Sadly you can’t choose your family. This is because you can’t make life for them. Our children’s lives are the sum of our choices and decisions as parents. As for one parent who stood the ground of trials and hardships of raising children alone, you are definitely a hero. No one can prepare for emotional meltdown.



Not knowing better, I looked at marriage failure before as a bad thing. As if it is because of some sort of inherent - and fatal - character flaws that prevent you from building a happy home. But for others, especially mothers, who choose to embrace her responsibilities, saying "I' can do this ." There's such power in that declarative, isn't there?

I've grown, I've changed, but most importantly, I've learned. Everywhere I've been, every experience I've had, every encounter I've had with another person? It's all part of the story of where I've been. And honestly, it's sort of amazing to look at your life written out in a list like that. If nothing else, it makes you realize one thing: Life is still a ride you never want to get off of. And that's something to be celebrated.

Every. Single. Day.