Probably My Most Meaningful Prayer Ever

Lying on my side, eyes closed but not asleep. Half of my body lying awkwardly outside the bed, and my sleeping daughter’s messy hair just above my own messy hair. There’s just the two of us. And the house, silent enough to hear my own thoughts. It occurred to me that this must be how God wants to talk sometimes. You will know its coming. You know that any moment there’s nothing more to do but face Him up. So I didn’t move a bit.

I had wanted it to be emotive and yes, slightly melodramatic as I usually do when I pray in front of people. But when I came down to it this morning, I didn’t feel like my words belong to me. That’s when I realized that my prayers are borrowed. All the fancy verbose I hear and read and copied from great writers, speakers and pastors, although astounding to the ears, but they are not from my own heart. It’s no wonder I don’t feel the power some days. And sadly there I realize that I can never float away for as light as my head feels, my heart is like a lead, keeping my words and my praises heavily chained.

And in that moment, I came to Him in this simple worship.

My Father in heaven, I worship and adore you with the kind of love and reverence my imperfect heart can love you. You own everything I have and I am in great awe of what you have done, been doing and will do for the rest of my life. I don’t deserve it but your blessings continue to pour in.

My loving Jesus, my Savior and Redeemer, I will bless your kindness and goodness to my family, my mother, and siblings. We are not the kind of people you will like 24/7 but in your unconditional heart, your love traverse all our shameful acts of selfishness, neglect and lack of commitment.

I come to you in deep desire to look upon my husband and children in their everyday errands. Thank you for giving them to me because they lend stability and genuine happiness to my life. Bless them with good health and life in all the days of their lives.

Although I didn’t want to go back to the day my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, but the life you’re giving her is more than enough I could be thankful for. You are bigger than any cancer cells. Stronger than any tumors that grow, enlarge or swell. May she continue to live comfortably, happily and strong for what is left of her senior years.

And I know it’s hard to raise kids alone, whilst husband working overseas, I rest in your unfailing mercy that you will bless my sister with peace of mind, strong arms and solid faith to get through chaotic days of raising stubborn teens. May you bless them and keep them in your sake.

My words are cheap and flawed. But my heart means it.

This is my prayer in the sweet name of Jesus. Amen.

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In case you may not know this but October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. Very quickly I'm going to give you the basic three things about breast cancer to be aware of: 1-a new lump or mass in the breast that you can feel. A lump that is painless, hard, and has uneven edges is more likely to be cancer. But sometimes cancers can be tender, soft, and rounded. So it's important to have anything unusual checked by your doctor. 2--Often, an abnormal area turns up on a mammogram, so have yourself tested. I know its horrifying to finally know you’re sick, but the earlier the better. There is help out there. 3--Your biopsy show you do have it. Now what? you got to know cancer specialists. If you developed a good relationship with these doctors, you may want to stick with them. But go ahead seek second opinions if you must.

But most of all, don’t forget that Jesus is our help. More potent than any Tamoxifen Citrate that you can get.