At first I missed Thinking Outloud, but then I became used to it not being around. Then I got lonely. Then I got lamebrain. Then I became a sewer, a carpenter, an artist and a designer. Really, idleness sometimes pushed you to become creative.
Anyway so many moons have past since then and I'm still here. I'm forming a new life with and without my mother and I need tidbits, pieces of her, little precious stories to patchwork my sails so they continue to soar.
July. It was the first time in seventy three years that my mother has not been on planet earth for her birthday. I knew it would be a hard day but I did not know that every second of every minute of that entire day would burn my soul.
On her birthday with my sister, we went to visit her at the cemetery. We had to. From memory, my mother was always the one who will reach out, the first one to see a sick family member, and the first person to mediate in siblings’ fights. An uncle tagged her as the missing link. Yeah, that’s her. Not everybody appreciated her, but she showed a good example if only people are more discerning.
Then came August. I escaped my dirty laundry and went to St Joseph’s College in Quezon City to take a licensure exam.
Were you there?
As I walked across the convent looking hallways of the school, I had a huge gulping lump on my throat. It dawned on me that this was my defining moment. For once, I forgot my mother and my children. I was taking it so personally.
For wanting to change career, I decided to take the Licensure Exam for Teachers. Hah! It felt like I should have done it before. The place was packed, with people almost half of my age. But it was one of the few things I would never regret doing. Because after 51 days, this internet news came.
I felt so special, I posted it on my Facebook right away.
Here's a thought: us humans are just works in progress, that's all. That's cool. Let go and let God do his things for you. Oh and when I say "you" I actually mean "me." Death and success hardly came in pair. But you just have to trust in his mighty ways, believe in what he will and will not change in your life.
Next up, if you are a newly LET passer like me, congrats you made your point, now go and find a real job.
I also want to thank my family for being happy when I am happy and sad when I am sad. For Hubs who never left my side.
I also want to thank you, the person reading my blog right now who I probably don't even know and will never meet. For continually coming back here to read, for sending me comments, thoughts and messages. When I don't blog for a while you even know it's because there's even no words to say how I am. But I kept coming back - and even though I hate certain things around blogging I'm glad I kept writing. It's weird to be such a personal blogger - I used to be so private online. But that all changed when mother got cancer in 2009 and she kept it all secret. When Big Things happen to us, there's a need to tell it, share it, ask for help and tell the whole world.
And to all my pains and successes, to Lord Almighty, thank you from the bottom of my heart.